Peers (kinda)

Lately an eight-year-old boy in the neighborhood has been coming over to play with Avalon.

At first I thought this was the beginning of her childhood play, but I am learning that four years is too great an age difference to develop a 'best buds' relationship. Today I learned a few things by listening. The first is that it's really hard to bite your tongue when you think your kid is going to have her feelings hurt or get swindled. The second is that it's best to bite your tongue.

When the boy told Avalon he was going to check to see if his other friends could play yet, I was afraid Avalon would realize he only comes over when the older kids are busy and that she'd get her feelings hurt. Instead, she said, "Okay, see ya!" and went back to playing.

When the boy came back and asked Avalon if she had any big kid toys, she asked him what he meant and found out he liked cars and trucks. So she came inside to collect all her vehicles, saying "These seem grown up enough to me."

When he asked if she had any planes and trucks that weren't "baby toys" she came back in to collect her matchbox cars.

When it was time to stop playing the boy tried to talk her into letting him have the cars.

Boy: "Can I have the cars?"
Avalon: "Well I have to clean up right now."
B: "Do you like those cars? I like those cars. Can I have them?"
A: "Like you want to borrow them? And take them to your house to bring back later? We like sharing. Let me ask Elsa because they're hers too. Elsa, do you want to keep these cars now or share them?"
Elsa: "MINE!"
A: "I don't think she wants to share right now. Sorry."
B: "Why do you even have them? They're boy toys."
A: "What?"
It was at this point I could no longer vice grip my mouth closed.
Me: "They aren't boy toys, they're toys for girls or boys or adults who like little cars."
B: "But they're for boys."
Me: "They're Avalon and Elsa's toys and they're girls. Besides there's no such thing as boys or girls toys."
A: "Well mom, I understand what he's saying. Like soccer balls are boys' toys."
As I turn red in the face, "Soccer balls are for boys and girls too. They are for anyone who enjoys playing with them."

The conversation ended here because I think both kids realized that they hit a nerve with Mom. I remember being told I couldn't play something when I was a kid because I was a girl and on the flip side I remember my friend's brother stopped playing dolls with us after his friends made fun of him.

How do I end this madness for my own kids? No more gender limits!